On Breaking Up, Love at First Sight, and Kittens

By Olyvea and Ethan

Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.

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Question 1

Hey,

I decided recently that I needed to break up with my boyfriend. I was going to pull him aside and do it one night a couple weeks ago during a party a bunch of us were going to, but before I got the chance I realized I had to leave to be home by curfew. My friend volunteered to do it for me and I was pretty grateful at the time. The next day she told me that he was upset, but he took it pretty well and he already had a new girlfriend. I’m not going to lie, it stung a bit that he had moved on already, but I didn’t think much about it until I found out his new girlfriend is my friend who helped me break up with him! Should I tell her I feel betrayed?

Thanks,

Feeling hurt.

Olyvea,

This is exactly the kind of thing girl-drama is made out of. Girls, we need to do a better job of avoiding it and not creating it. It leads to a lot of stress and hurt feelings.

That’s a touchy situation. On one hand you did break up with him, but on the other it’s unwritten girl code that you shouldn’t date a friend’s ex. I can understand why you’re hurt. She should have at least came to you and asked if it was OK instead of doing it behind your back. It’s probably best to tell her your feelings and see where it goes from there. If her response isn’t apologetic I would reevaluate and try to decide if she’s a true friend.

Ethan,

Well, what she did was wrong, but it’s also a tough lesson for you that you shouldn’t let other people do your dirty work. Even when they offer you have to really think about why they’re offering and if they have ulterior motives. I would suggest talking to her about how you feel because if you don’t you’ll just stay angry. Forgive her if you feel you should, but just chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. There are better boyfriends and better friends out there.

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Question 2

Hi,

I’m in a homeschooled group and this new guy just joined. When I first saw him I thought he was really cute, but then we started talking and I realized he was more than just cute. He’s funny, smart, friendly and I feel like I could talk to him for hours. He’s everything I’ve ever looked for in a boy. I’ve only spoken to him a couple times now, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I may even be falling in love with him. Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Sincerely,

Lovestruck.

Olyvea,

In my opinion love isn’t based on sight, looks, and what they seem to be. It’s based on deep commitment and understanding. You can have attraction and infatuation at first sight and that can turn into love. You could eventually come to love this boy. Love grows over time. Just hang in there and see where it goes after you get to know each other better.

Ethan,

Love isn’t about outer beauty it’s about inner beauty. I don’t think you can truly see if someone has inner beauty until you’ve spent a significant amount of time with them. Also if it’s love it will stand the test of time through not just good times, but bad times as well. That’s not to say you aren’t feeling an early stage of love and it can certainly develop into the love of your life. Don’t forget every great love starts with what you’re feeling now.

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Question 3

Hi you two,

I’ve always wanted a kitten, but my parents don’t want to take care of one and they don’t think I’ll take care of it if they get one for me. I understood when I was young, but I’m old enough now that I can. How can I get them to believe I’m mature enough to handle it?

Thanks,

Shawn

Olyvea,

You could start out by asking for a small caged animal like a hamster. Take good care of it by giving it food and water everyday and keeping it’s cage clean. It might prove to them that you are responsible enough to care for a life. Hopefully, then they’ll let you have a kitten.

Ethan,

If you are able to talk them into a smaller pet make sure you take extra good care of it and don’t forget. If they have to remind you to clean it’s cage or give it food they’ll never believe you can handle anything more.

Until next time,

Olyvea and Ethan.

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Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com