By Trinity T.
There were two questions that kept rotating in her mind. Am I a coward? Am I a failure? She sat in her corner watching everybody else’s life go on while hers came crashing down on her. Fear, hopelessness, and shame bustled inside her. But the anger was what had prime of place. She was angry with herself. So angry that it felt like a physical weight pressing down on her threatening to asphyxiate her. It was her fault that she was in this position. Her mistakes, her dark thoughts, her lack of self-control. In short, her younger self had done a pretty crappy job indeed. As much as she wanted to blame someone else, any one at all, the honest part of her knew she had to take responsibility. It wasn’t easy, but she’d fix this mess, she promised herself.
Promises. How many had been broken? How many had she broken? Enough to know that she couldn’t trust herself. And that was her dilemma now. Something had to change. But change would be hard. Should she promise herself to make that change and risk lying to herself once more? Or should she…? There was no other choice. The one thing she would never live with was the knowledge that she’d not tried to fix her life. Failure was one thing. But not trying, just giving up completely was unforgivable. Even if no one would know, just like how no one knew her life was spiraling out of control at this very moment, she would know. And it would haunt her till the day she died. In fact, it was the very thing that would kill her. So she made her decision. She was going to make the changes. It was inevitable. She had to do it. And she would. No promises. No commitments. Those could be broken. But this was life or death. No way around it. She would change her life and if no one else noticed, she didn’t care. This was about her and her alone.
Trinity, 17, has been homeschooling for almost four years. She lives in Uganda and is passionate about God, family, music, and writing. She hopes to use her writing to serve God and help other people.
