Honest Advice with Sugar and Spice: Boys and Boyfriends

Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.

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Question 1

Hi, Olyvea and Ethan.

My name’s Avery and I’m 13. There’s this guy I know. He’s my neighbor and we’ve been friends since we were little, but lately I’ve been having once a month cramps and I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want to hang out on those days. I started making up really lame excuses because I didn’t want to tell him the truth. Well, yesterday I got caught lying. I told him I had to go to the store with my dad, but then he talked to my dad and my dad told him we were staying home all day. My friend’s really mad at me now. He thinks I don’t like him anymore and doesn’t understand why I lied. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend. What should I do?

Thanks,

Avery.

Olyvea,

Well, honestly I think you’re just going to have to tell him the truth at this point. Just say that you didn’t want to hang out because you had cramps. Say you were embarrassed to tell him and you’re sorry you lied. Next time something like this happens with someone else just say your stomach hurts today. You don’t have to go into anymore detail than that and that way you’re not lying, but you’re also not embarrassed. Just remember what you’re going through is completely normal. Every girl goes through it it’s nothing to be ashamed about.

Ethan,

I’m not going to say much on this issue since I’m a guy, but I’ll throw in my two cents. I definitely agree you’re going to have to tell him the truth if you want to keep him as a friend. Us guys do know you girls have your once-a-month don’t-bother-me thing. So, you shouldn’t have to spell out for him what’s going on. If you just say you’ve been having once-a-month stomach aches he should catch on.

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Question 2

Hey, guys.

There’s this guy I’ve been dating for several months. We met through a mutual friend. I’m homeschooled, and he’s on his high school football team. I didn’t think I’d like him at first. I kinda figured he was just a dumb jock, but we ended up hanging out and then I started to really fall for him. We’ve finally gotten close enough that he wanted me to meet his parents. I was really excited that he felt ready to take this step. I wanted to like his family so much, but the problem is I don’t. I don’t think his family likes me either. I feel like they think I’m not good enough for him. I don’t think they like that I’m nerdy and not super pretty. I don’t think they like that I’m homeschooled either. I feel like they (especially his dad) would rather him with some really pretty cheerleader. I don’t think my boyfriend feels this way. So, I’m happy about that, but what do I do about his parents?

Much appreciated,

Amanda

Olyvea,

That’s a tough one. I think the only thing you can do is try to take the high road. For instance, if they are jabbing that you aren’t good enough for him just ignore it. Try not to pick any arguments with them. You don’t want your boyfriend to feel like you the one being mean to them. They should eventually come around when they realize how much he cares for you. Until then just try to keep the peace.

Ethan,

I have a question for you. What makes you think they feel that way? Do they jab at you or is it just the feeling you get? The reason I ask is because if they are jabbing at you too much you could always talk to your boyfriend. He may be able to talk to them and gently let them know that they are being offensive. If it’s just a feeling you get then I would suggest just doing what Olyvea said and try ignoring it. Also, don’t forget if it’s just a feeling you could be wrong. Some people just come off a little cold when you first meet them.

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Question 3

Hi,

So, I’ve been dating this guy for a while and everything is going great with him. Except for how his brother flirts with me whenever my bf leaves the room. I would just try not to be alone with him, but his brother is in my Sunday school class and my bf is not. My bf is in the 11th grade class and me and his brother are in the 10th grade. His brother tells me all the time I should dump my bf, I’m too good for him, and that I should date him instead. I don’t want to tell my bf what his brother is saying because I don’t want to come between them, but I also think what his brother is doing is very mean. How should I handle this?

-Beth

Olyvea,

That’s a really cruel thing for him to do to his brother and to you. It’s rough to cause waves in a family, but I suggest telling your boyfriend. If you let this go on you won’t be able to stand being around his brother and that will eventually drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. Also, you may want to think about how serious you are about this guy. Sometimes if you’re not too involved it is just easiest to walk away instead of getting inbetween family.

Ethan,

There is usually one reason guys do stuff like that: competitiveness. If I had to guess the way he’s acting probably has less to do with you and more to do with his own insecurities. He either can’t take the fact that his brother has a girlfriend and he doesn’t, or he considers you to be unobtainable, therefore; he wants what he can’t have. Either way I suggest you wait it out a little bit to see if it gets any better before telling your boyfriend. The reason I say wait a little bit is because he might tire of his game relatively quickly. If he does then you don’t have to deal with the drama of telling anyone. That being said, you don’t deserve to have to put up with that forever so I think you should eventually tell your boyfriend.

Until next time,

Olyvea and Ethan

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Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com