By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.
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Question 1
Hey,
About a month ago this guy I was really crushing on asked me out and I was super thrilled. It went great for a little while, but now he rarely calls and doesn’t text much. I get he has his own life and I don’t want to be clingy or pushy, but it doesn’t even seem like he’s my boyfriend. I still like him, but I don’t feel like he likes me anymore. I don’t understand. If he doesn’t want to hang out with me or talk to me why doesn’t he break up with me? I just want a little more time with him. I feel like he’s not even trying. What do I do?
Please help,
neglected
Olyvea,
Before you jump to any conclusions, could he be busy with after school activities, studying, an after school job, chores, etc.? There may be a legitimate reason he is distracted. Try talking to him. Let you know you miss him and want to spend more time with him, but make sure you’re not hostile or accusatory. If you’re not satisfied with the answer you get then you might want to reevaluate the relationship.
Ethan,
I agree there could be a legitimate reason, but he may also have decided the relationship isn’t working out. You need to talk to him about it and try to get him to communicate so you can find out what’s going on. Sometimes guys can be jerks and just start disappearing instead of talking to you.
“When someone tells you they are too ‘busy’… It’s not a reflection of their schedule; it’s a reflection of YOUR spot on their schedule.” ― Steve Maraboli
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Question 2
Hi,
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. I’m home schooled, but he goes to the same high school that all my friends go to. I love him and he treats me well. I never had any issues until my friends started telling me that he’s cheating on me. They say he’s always hanging out with some girl around school. I asked him about it and he said he would never cheat on me. Are my friends lying? Is my boyfriend lying? I don’t know who to believe.
Thanks,
Torn.
Olyvea,
You could sit down with your friends and your boyfriend and have a talk. Maybe one of them is lying, but maybe nobody is lying. Your friends may have mistaken what they saw. Your boyfriend could have a good excuse for who he’s hanging out with. She could be his cousin, somebody he is doing a school project with, or his friend’s girlfriend. If they are both being honest then they should be more than willing to sit down and talk with you together.
Ethan,
If your boyfriend has shown no signs of being a cheater and given you no reason to believe he has someone else then you should believe him over your friends. If you’re dating him he should be your best friend, and you should be able to trust what he has to say. If you can’t trust him you better rethink the relationship.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”― Stephen R. Covey
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Question 3
Hello,
I’m really close to my best friend. We’ve been buddies for years. I was really happy for her when she got a boyfriend. I know she loved him and for a while he treated her well, but then he cheated on her and I was furious at him. My friend was so hurt and I can’t stand to see her like that. So, I sent him a mean text message calling him out on hurting her. I thought my friend would be happy to know that she had a friend on her side, but she was so mad at me when I showed her what I told him! I’m sorry she got mad, but I’m not really sorry I sent it. He needed somebody to be a little harsh. I don’t want my friend to hate me though. What do I do? How do I make up with her?
Sincerely,
A friend in need.
Olyvea,
Being a friend means standing beside somebody and supporting them but sometimes silently. You can’t fight other people’s battles for them. You’re going to make her feel like she can’t confide in you as a friend if you take it upon yourself to deal with all her problems. Her boyfriend is her issue to deal with. The only thing you can do is listen to her and give an opinion if asked. If she wanted your help she would have asked you. You owe her an apology because you broke her trust by going behind her back. You may have had good intentions, but that wasn’t how she saw it. Just because you would have been happy if someone did that for you doesn’t mean everyone feels that way.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” -Proverb
“Perception is reality.”- Lee Atwater
Ethan,
If you wanted to help you should have at least asked her first. Going behind someone’s back to do something is always the wrong answer. You could have made her boyfriend mad at her and caused more drama because now her boyfriend knows that she confided in you about their private issues. You owe her an apology.
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
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Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com
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