By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.
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Question 1
Hi,
My best friend and I are very close and I love her dearly, but lately she has very low self-esteem. She’s always saying things about how she’s stupid or fat. At first I really felt sorry for her and babied her because I thought it was terrible that she thought these things, but now it’s getting annoying and I feel like she just wants compliments and she doesn’t even feel that way at all. How do I ask her to stop saying things like that without causing a fight?
Please help,
Carrol
Olyvea,
Some people just get down on themselves sometimes and they really do feel that way. Try to be understanding with her because she may have other things going on in her life that are causing her to feel so bad and seek attention. You could try talking to her and asking why she feels that way about herself. If you talk to her she might open up to you if she’s having other issues. Besides, once you talk to her about it you might find you understand her more.
Ethan,
When someone is doing that I try to not pay any attention to them and hope they’ll stop on their own. Fishing for compliments like that is not a good social habit and I try not to encourage it. Plus, if you just compliment her all the time it, eventually, just becomes meaningless flattery.
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Question 2
Hey,
My best friend, bf and I all used to go to the same school, but I started homeschooling about 4 years ago. My best friend and bf still hang out together at school and I was fine with it because we all used to hang out before I even started dating him last year. A month ago my best friend called me and said that my bf told her at lunch that he didn’t want to date me anymore. I was really upset and crying because it was really unexpected. My best friend was there the whole time to comfort me and I felt really grateful. At her suggestion I changed my number so my bf couldn’t get ahold of me cuz she said he had said terrible things about me. About two weeks ago my now ex bf ran into my sister at the mall and told her he was really sad that I broke up with him through my friend and said a whole bunch of things about him. So, come to find out my so-called best friend had told him I wanted to break up with him, and that I was talking bad about him. She told me HE wanted to beak up with ME and she was comforting us both when she’s the one who caused the trouble. My ex bf and I just spoke on the phone and figured this all out. We don’t know how to confront her. We thought she was our best friend. What do we do? Do you think she has mental issues? Like should I try to get her help?
Help,
Feeling foolish
Olyvea,
Well, I’d say she has issues, but I’m not qualified to say whether they are mental issues. If I had to guess I’d say she’s probably jealous. There could be many reasons why she’s jealous, but jealously is most likely the root of the problem. If you guys decide to confront her you should definitely do it together. If you do it alone she will probably deny it, but if you do it together she won’t have a defense. Just tell her you know what she did and are upset and feel betrayed. Best of luck to you! That’s a rough situation.
Ethan,
I agree with how to confront her. What she did was cruel, but I do have one question. Why didn’t you contact him to confirm he actually broke up with you? This is a good lesson that you can’t have that kind of blind faith in anyone. You have to confirm things yourself.
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Question 3
Hey,
My bf dumped me recently and I was really sad about it, but my friend, being so nice, decided to set me up with a friend of hers to help me get over him. At first I wasn’t too happy about it, but then she started telling me about him and I started to get a little excited. I agreed to go on a date with him. We hit it off instantly. I wasn’t quite over my ex yet, but I was happy to be flirting with someone else. We started texting a lot and I was really starting to like him, but then my friend texted me and said she needed to talk to me. We all know THAT’S never good. She said that she realized she liked the guy she set me up with. She pleaded that she was so sorry and she never would of set me up with him if she knew. She asked me if it was OK if she asked him out. I said I would think about it and then hung up the phone really quickly because I was about to cry. I feel like my heart’s being broke all over again. I really like this guy, but I also don’t want to lose my friend. What do I do?
Help,
Heart-broken.
Olyvea,
Honestly, I think you should talk to your friend and tell her how you’re feeling. Let her know that what she did was hurtful (even if she didn’t mean it to be). Since you and this guy hit it off I think you have every right to keep talking to him, but you should probably be honest with your friend and tell her how you feel about him. Hopefully, you can talk to your friend and she’ll understand.
Ethan,
I would take a different approach. Since you are texting this guy and you two are growing close I would communicate with him and let him know what this girl did. If he’s a good guy he won’t want to date her based on this behavior. That way you can keep the guy and possibly your friendship. If he dates her after he knows what she did he’s not a good guy and you didn’t need either of them.
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
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Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com