Honest Advice with Sugar and Spice

By Olyvea and Ethan

Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.


Question 1

Hey guys,

My BFF from church made a mistake and now she’s pregnant. All our other friends turned their backs on her, but I don’t want to. The problem is is that my parents don’t want me around her anymore. I think they think she’ll be a bad influence or something. I know what she did was wrong, but I don’t think she deserves to be shunned and abandoned over it. How do I convince my parents I can hang out with her and support her through her difficult time without making her mistakes?

Please help,



The only thing you can do is talk to your parents maturely and reasonably. Tell them you’re not a follower, and you won’t let her influence you or your decisions. Maybe if you talk to them they’ll understand you’re mature enough not to do things just because your friend did it. You could also try letting them talk to her. Maybe they’ll feel better if they hear she’s sorry for what she did and she’s not advocating that it’s fun or cool. In the end if they stand firm you’ll have to accept it.


You could trying asking your parents if you can hang out supervised. For example, she could come to your house and watch a movie with your parents there. They might let you as long as they are there to see that she’s not trying to get you to go meet boys or something. Don’t forget your friend isn’t your responsibility. If your parents won’t let you hang out anymore you can’t go against that and make your life harder for her. It’s nice of you to be so understanding, but you have to do what’s best for you.


Question 2

Dear Olyvea and Ethan,

I was adopted when I was a newborn and I really love my adoptive parents, but I want to know a little bit about my birth mother. Whenever I ask my mom about it she just says she was really young and changes the subject. I would like to meet her, but if I can’t do that I would at least like a name or a picture or something. I don’t want to ask about her too much and hurt my moms feelings, but I’d like it if she’d at least try to get some info on her.



I’ve known people who were adopted, so, I know it can be hard. There’s not a whole lot you can do to get information on her right now if your adoptive parents don’t want to talk about it. When your 18 you can start trying to track her down, but until then you’ll just have to wait. I do suggest when you try talking to your adoptive mother about it you make sure she knows you’re not trying to replace her. Try to be gentle with the matter so no feelings are hurt.


I was actually adopted, so I’ve been through what you’re going through. I know from experience sometimes meeting your birth parents doesn’t go as well as you hoped. Sometimes we have these fantasies about these grand reunions with them that just don’t always work out. I think for some people meeting their birth parents is everything they dreamed of, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. Maybe your mom is just trying to protect you from that hurt. My main suggestion is don’t try to force that door open, or at least not until you’re older.


Question 3


I’m in 9th grade and there’s this guy I’ve known for years. We know each other from a drama club and we’re the only homeschooled kids there, so, we connected pretty quickly. We’ve never officially dated, but we’ve had a flirty thing going on for years. Well, he went away to his grandparents for a few months and he asked me to watch his beloved ferret, Milly (Silly Milly), while he’s gone. I was eager to help, but a few weeks after he left the ferret died. (R.I.P, Milly) I fed and watered it and did everything right. I’m really scared to tell him because he’s had Milly since elementary school and he really loves her. I’m also scared because the night before she died I was letting her run around my room. I was sitting there watching her and eating mini marshmallows. I went to the bathroom for a few second and I left the bag of marshmallows on my bed. She saw them and ran up and stole the bag of them. She only ate a couple before I caught her, but I’m really scared that’s what hurt her. So my question is how do I tell him what happened in a way that he won’t be mad or blame me? Also when should I tell him? Because be keeps calling to check on her, but I keep avoiding it. Should I wait until he gets home or tell him over the phone?

Thanks, Guilty


From what I can find on the Internet marshmallows shouldn’t hurt it. They said it can be bad for their teeth if they have them over a long period of time, but just a couple shouldn’t have hurt it. Ferrets only live an average of 5-7 years. You said he’s had it since elementary school, so, the ferret was pretty old. That’s probably the only reason it passed. I’m sure he won’t be mad at you. He trusted you to take care of it so he I’m sure he knows it’s not your fault. I would tell him over the phone before he gets home. I think if you wait until he gets home he’ll feel deceived that you didn’t tell him earlier.


I agree, you should tell him over the phone. I know it seems insensitive, but it’s better than letting him come home thinking that his ferret is fine just to tell him it’s not. I don’t think he’ll be mad at you, but don’t take it personally if he acts distant for awhile. Sometimes when guys are sad they can be reticent, but it doesn’t mean he’s mad at you or anything. It just means he’s upset and needs time on his own.

Until next time,

Olyvea and Ethan.


Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com

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