By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I met this guy online and we’ve been talking for several months. We have so much in common and he’s super sweet. We were just friends for awhile, but then he told me he was falling for me. I was super happy and said I felt the same. The problem is he won’t show me his picture. He says he’s just shy, and will show me “when the time is right” or “when our relationship is stronger.” I really like him, but I’ve heard all the horror stories about online people. I really like him so I don’t know what to do. He says all the right things and I think he’s who he says he is. I just don’t want to be stupid about it.
I’d be careful not to get too attached. It’s possible he’s not who he says he is, but he never showed you a fake picture which gives me hope it’s possible he’s just shy. You can keep being friends with him, but try not to let your heart get too attached. You can’t let yourself fall too hard for somebody who won’t disclose their appearance. Also, be especially careful if you ever decide to meet up. You know the horror stories, and you know the precautions to take. Be sure to Skype him before you ever meet up to make sure his age and gender are correct. Make sure you do everything right so you are safe.
If he’s not showing you a picture it worries me he doesn’t take you that seriously even if he is who he says he is. If he really likes you and has any real plans on being with you, he has to realize you’ll need to see him eventually. Let it go for now, but if somebody in real life comes along in the meantime don’t turn them down for somebody you don’t even know is real.
So, I’ve been talking to this guy for awhile. He claims he loves me and he’s super into me, but he doesn’t always act like it. Sometimes he calls/texts me everyday and other times I’ll go a month barely hearing from him. I feel really confused because I just want him to be consistent. I’ve considered the fact that he might just not really like me that much, but then why doesn’t he just stop and let me get over him? I feel like every time I’m about to move on he comes back and reels me back in. I can’t figure out what’s real and what isn’t. What do I do?
If a guy doesn’t act into you he’s probably not that into you. Take comfort, it probably has nothing to do with you. If he’s acting like that it sounds to me like he doesn’t truly love anyone. You can always be his friend, but try not to let your heart get wrapped up in it. Maybe he does care about you, but you deserve a guy who knows how to show it.
Get rid of him. Being his friend is just going to torture you. You’ll never truly get over someone if you keep in contact with him. Besides anytime you do get another guy in your life he’s going to come back around to pull you back in. That’s how guys like that are. Maybe you like him now, but you’ll find a guy who treats you right. When you find that guy you’ll be happy this one isn’t there to make you confused.
I’ve been friends with a guy for a couple months. He’s really sweet, but he’s a little too serious. Like he told me he loves me and he wants to come to college near me. (We met online. He lives across the country.) I’ve Skyped with him and stuff so I know he is who he says he is, but I want him to slow down! He’s moving way to fast, but I don’t know how to tell him that without hurting him. He’s sweet and there’s really nothing wrong with him except he tries too hard and he’s a little too serious. I know that sounds mean, but it’s true. I need more time to know how I feel. What do I say to him?
Wants to slow down
Tell him straight out you like him, but you want to take it slow. Just be honest with him. Tell him exactly how you feel. He might not realize how serious he’s sounding. He probably just really likes you and wants to show it.
Sometimes guys can get tunnel vision when they like a girl. He’ll calm down after the infatuation stage wears off. If you can’t wait until then be blunt with him, but make sure you make it clear you aren’t rejecting him. You just want to slow things down a bit.
Ethan and I get a lot of questions about online relationships and friendships. I know it’s a part of our generation. I think it’s perfectly OK to start relationships online as long as the correct precautions are taken. Beautiful stories start online, but so do tragic ones. I just want to remind everyone to be careful when dealing with people online. No matter how many times you’ve Skyped, always bring an adult when you meet them if you are a minor. If you aren’t, always at least bring a friend and meet in a well lit public area.
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: email@example.com