By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have a hard time trusting my boyfriend. I have no reason not to, but I’m so paranoid since I’ve been burned before. I went through his phone the other day to see if he got any texts from his ex, who I really don’t like, and he caught me. There were texts on his phone and they seemed a little flirty, but now he’s mad at me for not trusting him. I obviously was right for not trusting him, but he acts like it’s my fault. What should I do?
This is a common response when someone gets caught doing something they’re not supposed to. He knows he was doing something wrong. If he’s insisting the problem is you then you might want to rethink the relationship. If someone can’t take responsibility for their actions they’ll never change. Try communicating with him. You can try saying sorry for looking through his phone, but that he needs to acknowledge he was doing wrong too. Depends how important the relationship is to you, and how much you want to try.
What he did was wrong, and you shouldn’t have to apologize to him. If you’re with someone and you feel untrusting of them there’s probably a reason. He was obviously doing wrong, so there must have been intuition to your feelings. Find someone who you trust, and who doesn’t have texts from their ex.
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I started dating this girl and I really like her, but now that we’re dating she wants to do EVERYTHING together. I want to be with her, and hang out with her but sometimes I like going out with my friends too. For example, if I want to go out to a football game with my friends she gets mad at me for going without her. I work for my family, and she gets mad about that. She thinks I work too much and should spend more time with her. I’m supposed to go on a missionary trip with my church this summer and she’s angry about that. Every time I go over to her house she wants to cook meals TOGETHER. I like her a lot, but I don’t want to be around her 24/7. Is it me? Do I not like her as much as I think I do? She thinks I don’t want to be with her, but that’s not true. What’s the balance here?
Sometimes us girls can get a little clingy when we like a guy. Try explaining that you like her a lot, but you missing each other can be healthy in a relationship. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to make you feel so smothered. She will probably calm down on her own, eventually, once the infatuation stage of the relationship wears off.
When I feel smothered in a relationship it makes me uncomfortable, and then my girlfriend becomes my obligation. There needs to be a balance in a relationship. Seeing each other too much is bad, but so is not seeing each other enough. I’d try talking to her. Be gentle and reassuring, but if she still doesn’t understand maybe just find a less clingy girl.
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I’ve been friends with this girl since I was 12. We do everything together and I love her dearly, but she has one big huge flaw. She embellishes everything. For instance, her and I were on a ski trip a few weeks ago. I was on my way to the bathroom, and I passed this woman who looked pale and sick. As I was walking by she fainted in front of me. When she came to, she told me she was diabetic and asked me to get her something sweet. By this time my friend had come looking for me and I told her what was going on. We went to the vending machines, and got her some food. We got her help, and she was OK. It wasn’t really that big of a story, but now my friend tells all our other friends how the woman was almost dead and SHE found her and saved her. It’s not even about the poor woman, it’s about my friend and how scared she was. I’m just using this as an example because she does this stuff all the time. I don’t want to make an argument about it or anything because I don’t need credit. It’s just starting to get really annoying. How do I gently point out to my friend what she’s doing?
Not an exaggerator
Just remember it’s an insecurity in herself. She’s not thinking about you or the woman. If you feel the need to point it out, do it in a joking manner. For example, if you’re with all your friends, and she’s exaggerating the story say jokingly, “You know that’s not how it happened, silly.” I find that often works for me. It’ll make her think about what really happened, and make her feel silly for saying otherwise.
Guys do that kind of stuff all the time, so I can relate. I would just continue to ignore it. I know it can get annoying, but you’ll never really change what she’s doing. She doesn’t mean it as an insult to you. Just roll your eyes and know she’s just insecure.
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: email@example.com