By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.
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Question 1
Hi,
So, I’m homeschooled and I was invited to a winter formal by a guy who attends a local private school. My best friend offered to let me borrow her homecoming dress on the condition that I took good care of it because it was really expensive. I was really thankful because I didn’t have the couple hundred dollars to spend on a dress and I really wanted to go and look nice. When I got home I went to move a bottle of fingernail polish that didn’t have the lid screwed on, and the brush flung out and it splattered all over the dress. So, now this beautiful cream colored dress has purple splashes on it. I feel so bad. It was an accident. I don’t know how to tell her. I keep stalling by telling her I’ll give it back to her after I get it dry cleaned, but that stain is never coming out. What do I do?
Please help,
A terrible friend
Olyvea,
Be honest with her, and then save your money and buy her a new one. Putting it off is just going to make her mad you lied. Accidents happen. I’m sure your friend knows this. You don’t have many options. Just be honest as soon as possible. It’s just a dress. She’ll forgive you, but she may not lend you her clothes next time.
Ethan,
If you’re really afraid she’ll be very mad you could ask your parents to loan you the money for a new one. You should probably still tell her what happened, but if you have a new, spotless one in front of her she definitely won’t be angry. Whatever you do, don’t avoid her for too long. It’ll just make everything worse. Avoiding the situation never, ever helps.
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” -Bruce Lee
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Question 2
Hey,
I did something I know was not very nice. I have a guy friend who liked me and he invited me out on a date to see my favorite band in concert. I don’t like him as more than a friend, but I accepted the date because I really wanted to see the band. I know it wasn’t nice to lead him on, but I really wanted to see the show. I thought it would just be a date then nothing. I didn’t really think it through enough. Now he wants to be my boyfriend and I still don’t like him. I feel really bad turning him down now that he spent all that time, effort, and money taking me on that date. I don’t know what to do. Obviously, I can’t be with him out of pity, but I don’t know how to say “I’m sorry I used you for a date.” I told him I need more time before he can be my boyfriend. I said I’m not ready, but how do I tell him I’ll never be ready?
Thanks,
a fraud dater
Olyvea,
You are allowed to accept a date with somebody without being expected to be their girlfriend. Going on dates is how you figure out if you like somebody enough to be their girlfriend. You shouldn’t tell him you used him for the date or anything like that. It’ll just hurt his feelings more and it won’t help anything. Tell him that you just look at him as a friend. You gave him a chance with the date, but you just don’t feel it. Say it as gently as you can, but nothing will make it totally not hurt. Try to learn from your mistake and think your actions through. I’m sure you never wanted to hurt the boy. Next time something like this happens don’t accept the date unless you think you could like him.
Ethan,
I think it’s OK to accept a date with someone you are unsure about. It’s not your fault you don’t like him romantically. You shouldn’t feel any obligation to be with him just because he took you on a nice date. That was his choice. I’m not saying to be mean to him. Still break it to him gently, but don’t feel awful just because he took you out first.
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Question 3
Hello,
I recently got a new boyfriend. He’s really sweet and I like him a lot, but my friends think I’m out of his league. I didn’t think he was too cute at first either, but once I got to know him I realized he was so handsome. My friends act nice towards him, but as soon as he can’t hear they act catty about how he looks. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be picked on by my friends, but I really like my boyfriend a lot and I don’t want to be superficial.
Please reply,
Alex
Olyvea,
You can’t let your friends decide who you date, or who you find attractive. If this boy is sweet and treats you well then you should stand on his side. Your friends are being superficial. People act like that for various reasons. It may be as simple as they are just jealous. Have a talk with your friends. Explain that you like him, and it doesn’t matter what he looks like. Don’t let peer pressure sway your opinion on your boyfriend. You’ll regret it later if you do.
Ethan,
You have to date who you want to date regardless of what your friends think. Your friends aren’t the ones who have to be with him. Just because someone is very handsome doesn’t mean they’ll be a good boyfriend. I would suggest taking your boyfriend and finding less superficial friends.
“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ― Kahlil Gibran
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
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Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com