By Trinity T.
I don’t know what I want in life. Well, I know what I want in general: joy, success, making a difference. But I still don’t know the specifics, like whether college is for me, or which career path I’ll end up taking. I know where I am. And I know where I want to be. But the path to getting there is mostly blurry. As a result, I change my mind a lot. One day I want to be a Hollywood producer, the next I want to be a digital nomad. And this doesn’t sit right with my family. They think I’m not steadfast and just confused.
But why do they expect a 16-year-old to already have their whole life planned out? Like, “I want to go to college, study medicine, get married, somehow juggle raising kids and a successful career, then retire and live a quiet life.” That’s not bad. But it’s also not for me. I don’t want a boring, carefully planned life. I want a fun story filled with spontaneity, unexpected plot twists, and even failure. I don’t want to do the same thing all my life and I don’t want to let opportunities for adventure go just because I’m chasing one specific dream. Not knowing what’s next makes me have butterflies in my stomach. And every failure brings hope for a better day, which is very exciting.
I think my family’s biggest issue is that I’m inclined to do unconventional stuff. For example, when I was 12, I decided to stop eating meat, drinking soda, and having sugar in my tea. That is unheard of where I live and it could be mistaken for pride, or attention-seeking. In reality, I was just taking on a challenge from a book I read. My mom loves to say that I’m just following the bandwagon and that it will lead me to my death. But here’s the thing, I’m gonna die anyway. Whether I sail around the world solo or lock myself in a closet wrapped in bubble wrap, I’m still going to die. The only difference is that one option lets me die like a coward. And I ain’t having that! I refuse to live in fear of dying. I’d rather die in the name of living. I don’t apologize for trying to sound like an enlightened scholar of life and philosophy. In fact, I don’t apologize for anything I do. Having breakfast for dinner, choosing an unpopular way of life even when given the opportunity to take the easier beaten path, I just won’t apologize because this is who I am. And if you feel like I’m doing my life wrong, then just go and live yours right.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t want advice or that I don’t answer to anybody. Lord knows I’m in desperate need of guidance. And I know God will hold me accountable for the way I live my life. All I’m saying is that ultimately, it’s my life and I choose how to live it. I alone get to choose whether to follow the (un)solicited advice or not. So, for the good of all involved, I humbly request that the world leave me alone and let me figure things out in peace. When you see me trying many different things, please don’t call me confused. Just let me get to where I want to be.