Ashley’s Column: My Crazy Wacky Life

My hilarious tales of my hilarious life! …by Ashley Cline


Bathroom Blues

There’s a place in West Virginia called a holler. It’s the small, gulch like area, where everyone’s house is between two large mountains. A place where each house has a creek in the front yard and a mountain in the back. The houses are all squished together and have interestin’ hillbillies livin’ inside.

This is the setting where almost all of my Dad’s large family lives.

We didn’t usually go to my Granny’s church, but when we did, I spent the time in the small, two-room nursery. I was about five or six years old when this event takes place.

I went into the room, which had tall, wooden walls, and only a few toys. I sat down and colored my time away, until snack time. We ate oily, crunchy, salty chips, something I had been raised on.

After I finished, and had slick, oily hands, I felt the call of nature.

I hurried down the hall, past the doublewide doorway to the sanctuary, through the tall, wooden door, into the white bathroom.

When I was finished, I washed and quickly dried my hands, and went to leave. I turned the round, golden doorknob. My hands slipped. I tried again, pulling and turning. I started to panic, and franticly tried again. I stopped for a moment, looked around, and spotted my escape, a sole, high up window.

(The window led down to a rocky creek, far below, but I was prepared to jump.)

I decided I had better try again first. This time I added panicked pounding and kicking! I was sure I’d be trapped forever, or I’d have to use the window! I was even desperate enough to try to get out through the toilet!

Thankfully, I didn’t have to do either. I kept banging and yelling, when finally, the door popped open. Before me stood adults from the service I had interrupted, looking at the door and myself quizzically.

I ran to my parents, who had come to the door, and my terrifying ordeal was over. Finally I had to return to the nursery, where I sat down and colored, trying to calm myself down.

I did learn a lesson; always dry your hands twice, especially during a Church service!

(After this event, I’ve always been claustrophobic, and never close the door all the way!)

My Guardian Angel

The Fall From Above

This event actually happened just a couple of weeks ago! Have you ever watched one of those shows, where something happens, and in slow motion, things are falling toward a person falling? Well, I’ve experienced that! I’ve been a fan of Star Wars for a long time, and recently have become a Hunger Games fanatic. I have many Star Wars collectibles, so decided to hang a Hunger Games poster.

I stood on a chair, leaning over my dresser, trying to put up my poster. As I did, the cushion on the chair slipped out from under my feet. I fell forward onto all my collectibles on my dresser! Then, like in a movie, I flopped back, falling backwards. It seemed like it was all in slow motion. My things were flying down, falling with me. I hit the floor inches away from my bedpost. Amazingly, I got up with just bruised ribs and a bruised foot. I could have hit my head on my bed, and been in real pain! Guardian Angels must be in my life, or else, I’d have lost it by now!

Singing Freak Out!

I’m a singer in my youth praise band at church. I’ve only been part of it for a couple of months, so haven’t figured out how everything works yet. Last night, at our Bible Study, we were coming to the bridge of the second song, where I have to sing solo! Almost as soon as the part came, I looked down, and the cable attached to my microphone, had popped out! I looked over at the leader of the band, who was already playing the chords for the bridge! His wife started to sing while I tried to figure it out. I looked at it, and told myself, “Ok Ashley, figure this out!” Amazingly, I got it! I joined back in and sang it. Unfortunately, I almost burst out laughing when singing! Focus, focus!

We finished the song, and it was the most embarrassing band moment I’ve ever had! Thankfully, there were only seven people there other than the band members. Another proof, that God must be looking out for my goofs!

Ashley Cline is a 16-year-old junior in Virginia. She enjoys cross-stitching, reading, writing, and hanging with friends. She’s a strong Pro-Life activist and orphan lover. All these stories are true, and very wacky. If you’d like to hear more, or leave a comment, please email her at ashleia @ 

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